Be Willing to Ask the Hard Questions

Modern social-personality psychology suggests that our personality traits interact with our environment to shape life experiences. Essentially, the way we think, feel, and behave influences the people we attract, the situations we find ourselves in, and how we respond to challenges. Honestly — relationships play a huge role in our lives. Whether it is friendships, family, romance, or even work connections, the people around us shape who we are. But here is the catch: if we do not take the time to truly understand ourselves first, how can we expect to build strong, healthy relationships with others?

Relationships—whether in work, family, or personal life—shape our experiences and well-being. Healthy connections provide support, encouragement, and mutual respect, but not all relationships are beneficial. Some can be draining, manipulative, or even harmful. Recognizing red flags is essential in maintaining authentic and fulfilling connections. By understanding the warning signs and setting firm boundaries, you can ensure that your relationships align with your values and contribute positively to your growth.

One of the most valuable things you can do is reflect on past relationships. What worked? Were there red flags you ignored? What made you feel valued versus drained? Asking these questions before diving into new relationships sets the foundation for deeper, more meaningful connections that align with who you are.

Speaking of red flags… here are some major ones to watch for in any relationship—friendships, dating, family, or work:

🚩 They avoid real conversations – If they shut down, ghost, or give you the silent treatment instead of communicating, that is a problem. A strong relationship is built on clear, open, and reliable communication—not mixed signals.
🚩 They are unreliable or immature – Flaky plans, money issues, or never taking responsibility? If someone dodges accountability or cannot be counted on when it matters, that energy will drain you fast. Stability and reliability are key in any healthy relationship!
🚩 Broken trust – Whether it is lying, being secretive, or making you second-guess their honesty, trust is everything. No one has time for that kind of stress! A good relationship—whether at work or in your personal life—should make you feel secure, not like you are playing detective 24/7.
🚩 They are controlling – If they try to isolate you, make decisions for you, or guilt-trip you, that is a no-go. If someone barely asks about your day, forgets important details, or never follows up on things that matter to you, they might not be invested in the relationship. Feeling like an afterthought? You deserve someone who genuinely cares about YOU.
🚩 You constantly feel anxious around them – Whether it is a friend, coworker, or partner, you should not feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Healthy relationships—personal or professional—should feel safe and supportive, not like a source of stress or fear. If someone’s presence makes you anxious, it is a sign to take a step back and evaluate the dynamic.

🚩 They are stuck in the past – Whether it is an ex they cannot move on from, past workplace drama they keep bringing up, or unresolved emotional baggage, it is not your job to carry that weight. In both professional and personal relationships, growth and forward momentum are key. If someone is constantly dwelling on the past instead of working toward a better future, it can hold you back, too.
🚩 They thrive on being "needed" – Codependency can feel like love, but real connections should be built on mutual support, not obligation.

🚩 Blaming others, making excuses, never apologizing - yikes. A person who refuses to own up to their actions or deflects blame will never create a safe, supportive partnership. Accountability is key in any healthy relationship.

🚩 Your people do not vibe with them – If your friends, family, or even trusted colleagues get a weird feeling about someone, do not brush it off. Sometimes, the people who know you best can see red flags that you are too close to notice. Whether it is a new relationship, a business partnership, or a workplace connection, take a step back and ask yourself why the people you trust are concerned. At the end of the day, your circle wants the best for you—so if they are raising alarms, it might be time to listen.
🚩 Any form of abuse – Emotional, verbal, physical, or psychological—none of it is okay. No exceptions.

Being intentional in your work, family, and personal relationships starts with knowing and honoring yourself. Red flags may be subtle or glaring, but your intuition is a powerful guide—do not ignore it. Whether in a professional setting, with loved ones, or in personal connections, the right people will respect your boundaries, uplift you, and encourage your growth. Choose relationships that align with your values and never settle for anything that makes you question your worth. Stay true to yourself, and you will cultivate connections that genuinely support and empower you in every area of your life. At Stacked Intent, we offer workshops, coaching, podcast episodes, and guides to help you recognize red flags, set boundaries, and build intentional relationships—whether in your personal life, workplace, or family. Your relationships should empower you, not drain you, so make sure they align with your best self.